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IN MY EYES: Goodbye, Ramil

Edward B. Antonio

A good friend of mine committed suicide this October 2017.
His name is Ramil.
I could not contain my tears, fellas.
He was tall, brilliant and had a stable job. He has a good family background and shortly before he committed the unthinkable, he was declared an outstanding employee in the agency where he worked.
And then the shocking news came. He tied an extension wire around his neck and hung himself.
His family found a suicide note and another note was discovered in his pocket.
His family would not divulge the content of the suicide note saying it was already in the custody of the police but the note found in his pocket reads (unedited): “Pakawanendak. Sorry for everything. Open my spam message, adta amin nga conversation na. Agpipilit kanyak. Mukhang pera isona.” (All his conversations are there. He has been forcing me. He is indeed money-faced)
We asked the family for further details, but they cut us short.
“The matter is already in the hands of the police, sir, so we can’t provide you any more info,” a family member said.
But the pocket note insinuates there’s money involved.
How much could be the money involved, fellas?
Thousands? Hundreds of thousand? Or even million?
I heard it must have gone to a million or more than that.
What really drove him to commit suicide?
It’s a great puzzle, fellas, hope the truth will come out in the end.
I remember also one of my childhood friends who committed suicide by drinking poison. He was rushed to the hospital and survived. The next time, he again survived, in fact, he did it the third time and again survived!
But in his fourth attempt, he made it sure he won’t, and he died.
Condolence.
Or shall I say, congratulations for making it at the 4th attempt?
Suicide is defined as the act of intentionally causing one’s own death. There are many factors that play a role in influencing whether someone decides to commit suicide. Nearly everyone experiences suicidal thoughts at one point or another throughout their existence. Everyone deals with tough times, but some people have been dealt a tougher hand when it comes to life circumstances, past trauma, mental or physical illness, social standing, and ability to cope with depressive emotions.
Dr. Alex Lickerman, an internal medicine physician at the University of Chicago who blogs at Happiness in this World, says there are 6 main reasons why people kill themselves:
1. They’re depressed. This is without question the most common reason people commit suicide. Severe depression is always accompanied by a pervasive sense of suffering as well as the belief that escape from it is hopeless. The pain of existence often becomes too much for severely depressed people to bear. The state of depression warps their thinking, allowing ideas like “Everyone would all be better off without me” to make rational sense
2. They’re psychotic. Malevolent inner voices often command self-destruction for unintelligible reasons. Psychosis is much harder to mask than depression — and arguably even more tragic. The worldwide incidence of schizophrenia is 1% and often strikes otherwise healthy, high-performing individuals, whose lives, though manageable with medication, never fulfill their original promise.
3. They’re impulsive. Often related to drugs and alcohol, some people become over emotional and impulsively attempt to end their own lives. Once sobered and calmed, these people usually feel emphatically ashamed. The remorse is usually genuine, and whether or not they’ll ever attempt suicide again is unpredictable.
4. They’re crying out for help and don’t know how else to get it. These people don’t usually want to die but do want to alert those around them that something is seriously wrong. They often don’t believe they will die, frequently choosing methods they don’t think can kill them in order to strike out at someone who’s hurt them—but are sometimes tragically misinformed
5. They have a philosophical desire to die. The decision to commit suicide for some is based on a reasoned decision often motivated by the presence of a painful terminal illness from which little to no hope of reprieve exists. These people aren’t depressed, psychotic, maudlin, or crying out for help. They’re trying to take control of their destiny and alleviate their own suffering, which usually can only be done in death.
6. They’ve made a mistake. They made a big mistake which they consider irreversible and blame themselves for the tragedy. Death, therefore is the only form of escape.
I am very sure, my good friend was deeply depressed. He probably committed a big mistake, too, most probably on money matters. He could have been also a victim of blackmail or even death threats, I don’t know, maybe.
Whatever would be the results of the investigation, we just hope he gets the justice he needs for the eternal repose of his soul. If not, may he be able to haunt the lives of those who committed the injustice to him which triggered his death.
We who are left behind grieve for you, Ramil. Your world trip ended sooner than later and that’s one good friend gone even though we never thought you would do it judging from your looks and vibrance a week before the tragedy.
Goodbye, dear friend.
Goodbye, Ramil.#

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