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IN MY EYES: Nagging wives and broken eardrum

Sorry for the wives this time, fellas.

I mean the nagging wives.

Mang Maing hibernated from his nagging wife 25 years ago because his left eardrum broke. You see, his former wife bought a megaphone to nag him everytime he came home from work, so he had to pack his clothes to save his other eardrum.

Today, he listens with only one ear. His broken ear drum never recovered.

They say that every wife has a volume knob with settings Low, Medium, High and Nag. No, you cannot turn it down automatically anytime you want. However, you can very easily turn it up!

When I was in college, I rented a little room adjacent to a big house rented by a Filipino businessman and his Vietnamese wife. The wife stayed at home while the husband was away.

But what was disturbing was that everytime the husband arrived home from work, he always found the wife nagging, and nagging for hours disturbing us all boarders. She would shout, cry and complain of anything she could think of.

I pitied the man.

He would just keep quiet because everytime he started talking, he would be overwhelmed by a rapid fire and the bullets just kept on coming.

I didn’t know what happened to the couple after my graduation but I heard from an old acquaintance a month ago that the man left the woman. He was fed up. The woman returned to Vietnam with their little child.

Who is a nagger, fellas?

A nagger is someone (especially a woman) who annoys people (especially the husband) by finding faults.

To all husbands with nagging wife, here’s a proverb for you: “It is better to live in a corner on the housetop, than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”

Do you sometimes feel the same? Has your lovely wife changed into a condescending nag? Do you want that warmth back in your relationship that you had till a few years back?

If you are tired of the gasping and sighing, and all the criticism that your wife heaps on you, then this column is right just for you, fellas.

Here are some tips according to an expert:

1. Kiss her

A lovely wife transforming into a nagging one can happen either gradually or overnight. Accept the fact, and try to adjust your attitude. If she seems to be getting really hyper, then you simply be calm and composed to accommodate this new ‘bad’ habit of your wife. When she starts with her list of complaints or instructions, simply kiss her affectionately and try to divert her attention. Over the time, she will ease down too.

2. Surprise her

Derail all her arguments with a sudden and unexpected act of kindness. In fact, any nice gesture from you during this irritated time would be unexpected for her. Bring her flowers, get her movie tickets, take her out for candle light dinner, or simply make some iced tea for her. Do something so romantic and out of character, that she will suddenly forget all the complaints.

3. Talk to her about appreciating differences

It is a fact that nobody is perfect. So, whenever your wife starts nagging you about your bad habits, just tell her very calmly that she should understand that you are only human. You can and will try to change things that annoy her! Yet at the same time, once she calms down a bit, explain that even you would like some of her ways to change. Keep in mind that the self-esteem of many women is more fragile than a porcelain cat, so be very tactful while telling her all these points.

4. Don’t take every little thing to heart

Sometimes an off-handed comment feels like a nag or a criticism, when it actually might not be so. Instead of giving instant reactions to her, remember to pause and think. Ask yourself whether she meant anything negative by the comment she made.

5. Try to find solutions

Life is all a matter of perspective. Show your wife how lucky you both are to have each other. Try to appreciate her, and take a break to find some workable solutions to her problems. When she is in a better mood, just sit with her and see what you can do about your habits that bother her.

6. Tell her to accept you

If she nags you about your habits, like working late, spending time with friends or your eating habits, then just explain to her that there are some things in your life that she has to accept, if she loves you. This is always better than arguing with her and getting into a fight. Just tell her to accept you with your faults, and trust us, she will eventually learn to ignore the things that annoy her. 

7. Take a break 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, remember? So, take a break from each other. Try to be away for a little while. You can plan a short getaway with your friends, or schedule an outstation business meeting. This will give you both enough time to value your relationship. So, during this break, just try to remember all those points. By the end of the break, you both will miss each other and you will forget the nagging soon.

An Indian husband has this piece of advice: “Its very simple: When she said it’s night, you repeat it after her; and when she said it’s morning, do the same. Problem solved!”

Mike Digirolamo says: “Do you love your wife? If the answer is yes then nothing she says is “nagging.”

Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Get your acts together, and don’t forget why you love your wife, if you still do.

Precious Quirante, a cool mom of 5 says: “Just bear with her. Listen and don’t take it personally, know that she’s your better half. If she nags, there might be unaddressed concerns. Wait until her mood is good and talk to her. She nags because she’s stressed and she lacks attention. Give her time and shower her with your love and affection. A happy wife never nags.”

But Mang Maing adds:

Give her a lovely date and make her happier at nights.”

How is that?” I asked.

You can read between the lines.”

I smiled.

I couldn’t agree more with him and Precious Quirante.

A happy wife never nags.

A lonely wife always nags and finds somebody else to make her happy.

Got it, fellas?#