imyeyes-banner-sqIn My EyesBy Edward B. Antonio

IN MY EYES: Praise over criticism

Last time around, I wrote about getting others to like you by talking less and listening more to others.

How about handling criticisms, fellas, and replacing it with praise?

As an organization adviser with quite a good record in the division, I got lucky again this school year to get this appointive job, this time working with a not-so-manly elected young leader.

My Supreme Student Government president is a young, frail boy who was a nobody in his own circle when he was elected. Small and thin, his peers predicted he could not handle the job of achieving the organization’s workplan of 40 objectives and to think that the former president was able to accomplish them, even leading the organization to a first place finish in a division contest.

After familiarizing himself with the job, he started to show others that he could do it.

His critics would not give up until one day, in a large gathering which we organized, I started my welcome with these words:

“You are here today to attend this anti-bullying seminar because most of you are bullied. I want you to know that this is not my idea, but the idea of this young man (I asked my president to stand up) who is very small, frail and effeminate but he is a giant in ideas and achievements who can outperform all other giants in this school!”

I watched how he smiled and how the participants admired him.

I repeated the praise in another occasion and his pride again soared.

Our SSG won a firstplace finish in the division level under Makatao Category this school year and our Bigay-Puso Program was praised for levelling up and reaching more indigents in the community.

He worked and led his officers so well that he was hands down the unanimous choice of his peers and the faculty as the lone recipient of the Special Award for Excellence in Leadership during his completion day.

I don’t criticize people, fellas.

I have known long ago that when you throw a stone to your fellowmen, he won’t throw bread back, but a bigger stone.

Now, here’s another story I want to share:

Someone hired a servant and told her to report to work, but he telephoned a former employer and all was not well.

When the girl came to work, he said, “Nellie, I telephoned the other day to a woman you used to work for. She said you were honest and reliable, a good cook and good at caring for the children. But she also said you were sloppy and never kept the house clean. Now, I think she was lying. You dress neatly, anybody can see that. And I’ll bet you keep the house just as neat as your person. You and I are going to get along fine.”

 And they did.

 Nellie had a reputation to live up to and didn’t want to be untrue to his ideal of her.
A servant girl brought Georgette her meals. She was called “Marie the Dishwasher” because she started her career as a kitchen room assistant. She was a kind of monster, cross-eyed, bandy-legged, poor in flesh and spirit.

One day, while she was holding a plate of macaroni, Georgette said to her point-blank, “Marie, you do not know what treasures are within you.”

Accustomed to holding back her emotions, Marie waited a few moments, not daring to risk the slightest gesture for fear of a catastrophe. Then she put the dish on the table, sighed, and said ingenuously, “Madame, I would never have believed it.”

   Then she went back to the kitchen and repeated what Georgette had said. She began taking care of her face and body so carefully that her starved youth seemed to blossom and modestly hid her plainness. Two months later she announced her coming marriage with the nephew of the chef.

   “I’m going to be a lady,” she said and thanked Georgette. A small phrase had changed her entire life.
If you must deal with a crook, there is only one possible way of getting the better of him. Treat him as if he were an honorable gentleman. Take it for granted he is on the level. He will be so flattered by such treatment that he may answer to it, and be proud that someone trusts him.

Dale Carnegie tells the following story:

A mechanic was complaining that the hours were too long, that there was too much work and that he needed an assistant. The shop didn’t give him an assistant or shorter hours or less work and yet he made the mechanic happy.

How?

He was given a private office. His name appeared on the door and with it his title “Manager of the Service Department.”

He was no longer a repair man to be ordered around, he was now the manager of a department. He had dignity, recognition, a feeling of importance.

This is another story which sounds the same, fellas:

General Electric had to remove someone from the head of the department. He was a genius when it came to electricity, but was a washout as the head of the accounting department. The company didn’t want to offend him, he was indispensable and highly sensitive. So they gave him a new title of “Consulting Engineer of the General Electric Company,” a new title for work he was already doing. He was happy, and General Electric let someone else head up the department.
This next scene is in a factory:

To get a factory to produce and meet their quota when they were lagging behind, the big boss asked the day shift how many heats they made. They said “six.”

Without another word, he chalked a big “6” on the floor and walked away.

The next day, the boss saw the night shift had rubbed out “6” and replaced it with a “7.” So, the night shift thought they were better than the day shift, huh? They made 10 that day.
Charles Swabb said, “The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. Not in a sordid, money grabbing way, but in a desire to excel.” The challenge! An infallible way of appealing to men of spirit. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his worth, to excel, to win. The desire for a feeling of importance.

And lastly, never tell a man he is wrong.

If a man makes a statement that you think, or know, is wrong, begin by saying, “Well, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.” You’ll never get into trouble by admitting you may be wrong. That’ll stop all arguments and inspire the other fellow to be just as fair and broad-minded as you are. It’ll make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong.
We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts. We are incredibly heedless in the formation of our beliefs, but find ourselves filled with an illicit passion for them when anyone proposes to rob us of their companionship. It is not the ideas themselves that are dear to us, but our self-esteem which is threatened. We like to continue to believe what we have been accustomed to accept as true and the resentment aroused when doubt is cast upon any of our assumptions lead us to seek every manner of excuse for clinging to it. The result is that most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do.
When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broadmindedness.

Life is a world of humans, fellas, let’s treat others like one.

And together, let’s make friends and influence people.